|
page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 
Life with JJ -- the first months
Thursday July 21
So here I sit, after having a "prostopessary" (?), waiting for contractions to begin. The doctor (with big hands, they should make it a medical requirement to have small narrow fingers) says I'm in optimal condition for induction: slightly dilated and a flat cervix. At least I've done something right.
I did it! He is a boy, born Thursday July 21 at 10:23pm weighing 7 lbs 7 1/2 oz!
Friday
God, am I glad that's behind me. Mind you, now I lie in a room with 3 strangers, petrified the baby may wake and want something, desperate to pee and still hooked up to my (empty) drip.
No breakfast yet, but life's a bit better -- managed to feed him with a bit of help, and a midwife is going to help me bathe him later. The drip is gone, I've found the shower and the toilet, and haven't managed to do anything horribly wrong to this small baby that's suddenly appeared in my life yet.
Thursday, July 28th
Here he is, a week old and I've barely written.
He's still lovely, although when Pat left, after dropping me off Tuesday afternoon I sat on the couch and thought "My God, I'm all alone in this big house with a small baby! What do I do?" and immediately started making overseas phone calls for comfort. But Mom came from Washington DC yesterday, and it's been non-stop action ever since. I haven't had a day-time nap in 3 days, and it's really starting to take it's toll - I'm fine in the mornings, but in the evenings I just sort of stare at him thinking "now what do you want?" Tried expressing some milk so I could take a nap and Mom could feed him (he's in one of these moods when he wants a small feed every 45 minutes -- it's going to be a long night...) but after pressing the pump until I thought my hand was going to drop I only had a tablespoon; I gave up.
He (Connor Alexander, did I mention that? I'm still tempted to change my mind, though) still has all the abundance of hair that he was born with, and the deep grey eyes, so I can continue to hope that they'll stay. Skin still all flakey, I feel like I have to explain every time someone sees him for the first time.
I got a letter from Paul, Connor's father, telling me about Hong Kong and referring to a conversation he'd had with a mutual friend of ours who'd said Paul should be offering financial support. Paul wrote that he figured I wouldn't take any money from him even if he had any to give (easy out, even if it is true) and basically reaffirmed his position on not wanting to be involved. Anyway, at least I got his new address and even a phone number. ("Lot of good that does you," said Ian, but it does make me feel a bit better.)
Friday, July 29
Quiet house -- Mom and the baby gone shopping. It feels a bit funny.
Mom's starting to stress me out, she keeps trying to organize everything and convince me what I should and shouldn't spend my money on. Still, it's a lot easier with her here than on my own. Still a bit worried about when she leaves next week -- alone with the baby and no plans, nowhere to be, nothing to do except watch the child. I wish I could get used to his name -- but he doesn't "look like" a Connor. So I don't call him anything.
He is still dead sweet, even if I am exhausted. Wanted half hour feeds and playing with until 11:30 last night, but then slept through until 4am, a real relief. I may survive this after all. Am I really going to have him for the next 20 years? I don't even want to think about that.
Saturday July 30
Ian is coming over later to take us shopping at the Arndale Centre. Connor is fussy at the moment, spit up almost immediately all over his cute "going shopping" outfit ("This is how we learn not to dress the baby until we're just about to leave" said my mom) and doesn't want to sleep, although he's not hungry.
He now spends time awake without crying or wanting anything specific, just looking about and making faces. It's quite nice really, makes him feel more human. I don't feel as exhausted and dazed anymore; either I'm getting used to less sleep, or I'm getting more -- either way I feel a lot better.
|
